Tag Archives: Unisex

Because You Smell Like Cigarettes

8 Jul

You don’t see hot girls, or hot guys for that matter, sucking face with an ashtray.  There’s a reason for that, because it’s disgusting.

I don’t know when smoking became socially acceptable, but it’s just as gross as picking your nose and farting in public.  It turns your nails and teeth yellow, it makes you smell and, here’s a fun surprise, it’s going to kill you.

I don’t like to sit next to smokers at movies, let alone have one sleeping next to me in bed.

Even notorious smoker Carrie Bradshaw quit smoking for the dreamy Aidan.

So get the patch, get the gum or go cold turkey.  Do whatever it takes because we (and by we I mean the non-smokers of the world) will appreciate it.  Plus you won’t be killing yourself by smoking that cancer stick.

…this is why you’re single.

Because You’re Orange

4 Jul

Living in Arizona should allow the average person to add a nice summer glow to their skin tone. Just spend 30 minutes out by the pool with a bottle of sun tan lotion and you’re golden…literally. But there are always those people who think the amount of orange on their skin directly correlates with their sex appeal.

I beg to differ.

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Because You Don’t Know The Obvious Answers to Certain Questions

28 Jun

Q: Do you think I’m pretty?

Wrong answer: Sure.

Right answer: You’re gorgeous.

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Because You Don’t Know The Meaning Of The Word ‘No’

23 Jun

If we had to bet, we’d guess that the word ‘no’ was one of the first three words you learned. Heck, it’s one of the first three words any child learns.  They pick it up and latch on quickly, screaming it repeatedly as their mother pulls them away from the toy section at Target.

So don’t try to tell us that you don’t understand when someone tells you ‘no.’  No means no, as the saying goes, and it’s as simple as that.  We know you know that.

Which is why it’s hard to understand why you suddenly lose all concept of the word in certain situations.  Namely, in bed.

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Because Texting Us That Often Makes Us Want To Claw Our Eyes Out

11 Jun

Step away from the BlackBerry.

Ever seen those TV shows where the woman stands in front of the judge asking for a restraining order against her crazed, obsessive ex-boyfriend?

Well, that’s what your relationship is going to turn into if you keep up those obnoxious, obsessive text messages.

You know the ones: “Hey! How was your day?” or “Just heard a song on the radio and thought of you” or our personal favorite, “Just wanted to say good night.”  In small, controlled doses, text messages like this are cute, sweet, considerate.  And as your relationship continues, these texts are appropriate. Continue reading

Because You Think You’re Too Good For Everyone

1 Jun

He thinks he’s George Clooney, when in reality he’s Curious George. She thinks she’s Heidi Klum, but really she’s Olive Oyl (Popeye’s girlfriend).

We’ve all met, maybe even dated, this mama’s boy, daddy’s little princess or God’s gift to the world. However, this picky dater doesn’t often get a second date because they’re too good for you – or so they think.

This person is looking for the Holy Grail of significant others. Even though this person isn’t perfection personified, they aren’t willing to settle and they want everyone to know it. They are not stopping until they have their perfect husband or wife sitting down to a delicious dinner with their 2.5 children in their flawlessly massive mansion surrounded by precisely manicured shrubs and a white picket fence.

Stop being so picky. You’re not perfect either.

…this is why you’re single.

Because Your Fetish Scares Us

19 May

There once was a woman named Jillian searching for the love of her life on “The Bachelorette.”  We won’t go into the gory details for those of you whose gag reflex goes into overdrive at the mere mention of the TV show, but one of her love interests had a thing for feet.  Yes, feet.

He asked to look at them the first night he met her.  He would always make comments about how nice they were.  He’d rub them for her.  He even talked about how Jillian’s feet were so cute he’d suck on her toes.  The look on Jillian’s face was a mix of shock and horror.  And for those of you who think that’s a good thing, it’s not.

We’re not saying this guy’s foot fetish got him kicked off the show, but we think it was a major factor.  Because let’s face it, some fetishes are weird, some are creepy and some downright scare us. Continue reading