Tag Archives: Kissing

Because You Smell Like Cigarettes

8 Jul

You don’t see hot girls, or hot guys for that matter, sucking face with an ashtray.  There’s a reason for that, because it’s disgusting.

I don’t know when smoking became socially acceptable, but it’s just as gross as picking your nose and farting in public.  It turns your nails and teeth yellow, it makes you smell and, here’s a fun surprise, it’s going to kill you.

I don’t like to sit next to smokers at movies, let alone have one sleeping next to me in bed.

Even notorious smoker Carrie Bradshaw quit smoking for the dreamy Aidan.

So get the patch, get the gum or go cold turkey.  Do whatever it takes because we (and by we I mean the non-smokers of the world) will appreciate it.  Plus you won’t be killing yourself by smoking that cancer stick.

…this is why you’re single.

Because You Use Too Much Tongue

12 May

We love our dogs.  They’re cute.  Fun.  Always excited to see us.  And we welcome their kisses.

But when it comes to you, we don’t want any excited-dog kisses.

There’s nothing wrong with making out.  We’re all for it.  But when we’re wondering why our eyebrow is wet, there’s a problem.  So let’s keep the saliva ratios balanced.  The warning light is going to start flashing when there’s more of your saliva in our mouths, than our own.

So take a hint.  Your tongue is a muscle.  Use it or lose it.

…this is why you’re single.