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Because You’re Not These Women

8 Jul

To be fair – and fairness is a very important journalistic ethic – I thought I should do a counterpart to my fellow blogger’s post.  Because you’re not these women…this is why you’re single.

While watching a recent episode of Entourage where E’s extremely whiney, needy and annoying girlfriend Ashley listens to his voicemail unbeknownst to him, I came to understand why men find needy women annoying.

I found myself saying, “Why is E dating this girl?  I want him to dump her so I don’t have to watch her anymore or I’m going to poke my eyes out.”

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Because You’re Not These Guys

28 Jun

Not too long ago, we (the four female authors of this blog) sat down around a coffee table, mixed drinks in hand, talking about all the guys we would love to be with, if only the stars would align and make our wildest dreams come true.

Granted, since that talk, our wildest dreams have yet to be realized, but we haven’t given up hope that one day one of these guys – or their  incredibly sexy, significantly less famous look-alikes – will walk into our lives and sweep us off our feet.

Until then, feast your eyes on some of the incredible men women think about when they should be thinking about you.

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Because You Don’t Know The Meaning Of The Word ‘No’

23 Jun

If we had to bet, we’d guess that the word ‘no’ was one of the first three words you learned. Heck, it’s one of the first three words any child learns.  They pick it up and latch on quickly, screaming it repeatedly as their mother pulls them away from the toy section at Target.

So don’t try to tell us that you don’t understand when someone tells you ‘no.’  No means no, as the saying goes, and it’s as simple as that.  We know you know that.

Which is why it’s hard to understand why you suddenly lose all concept of the word in certain situations.  Namely, in bed.

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Because Your Fetish Scares Us

19 May

There once was a woman named Jillian searching for the love of her life on “The Bachelorette.”  We won’t go into the gory details for those of you whose gag reflex goes into overdrive at the mere mention of the TV show, but one of her love interests had a thing for feet.  Yes, feet.

He asked to look at them the first night he met her.  He would always make comments about how nice they were.  He’d rub them for her.  He even talked about how Jillian’s feet were so cute he’d suck on her toes.  The look on Jillian’s face was a mix of shock and horror.  And for those of you who think that’s a good thing, it’s not.

We’re not saying this guy’s foot fetish got him kicked off the show, but we think it was a major factor.  Because let’s face it, some fetishes are weird, some are creepy and some downright scare us. Continue reading

Because You Use Too Much Tongue

12 May

We love our dogs.  They’re cute.  Fun.  Always excited to see us.  And we welcome their kisses.

But when it comes to you, we don’t want any excited-dog kisses.

There’s nothing wrong with making out.  We’re all for it.  But when we’re wondering why our eyebrow is wet, there’s a problem.  So let’s keep the saliva ratios balanced.  The warning light is going to start flashing when there’s more of your saliva in our mouths, than our own.

So take a hint.  Your tongue is a muscle.  Use it or lose it.

…this is why you’re single.