Because You Smell Like Cigarettes

8 Jul

You don’t see hot girls, or hot guys for that matter, sucking face with an ashtray.  There’s a reason for that, because it’s disgusting.

I don’t know when smoking became socially acceptable, but it’s just as gross as picking your nose and farting in public.  It turns your nails and teeth yellow, it makes you smell and, here’s a fun surprise, it’s going to kill you.

I don’t like to sit next to smokers at movies, let alone have one sleeping next to me in bed.

Even notorious smoker Carrie Bradshaw quit smoking for the dreamy Aidan.

So get the patch, get the gum or go cold turkey.  Do whatever it takes because we (and by we I mean the non-smokers of the world) will appreciate it.  Plus you won’t be killing yourself by smoking that cancer stick.

…this is why you’re single.

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Because You’re Not These Women

8 Jul

To be fair – and fairness is a very important journalistic ethic – I thought I should do a counterpart to my fellow blogger’s post.  Because you’re not these women…this is why you’re single.

While watching a recent episode of Entourage where E’s extremely whiney, needy and annoying girlfriend Ashley listens to his voicemail unbeknownst to him, I came to understand why men find needy women annoying.

I found myself saying, “Why is E dating this girl?  I want him to dump her so I don’t have to watch her anymore or I’m going to poke my eyes out.”

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Because You’re Orange

4 Jul

Living in Arizona should allow the average person to add a nice summer glow to their skin tone. Just spend 30 minutes out by the pool with a bottle of sun tan lotion and you’re golden…literally. But there are always those people who think the amount of orange on their skin directly correlates with their sex appeal.

I beg to differ.

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Because You’re Not These Guys

28 Jun

Not too long ago, we (the four female authors of this blog) sat down around a coffee table, mixed drinks in hand, talking about all the guys we would love to be with, if only the stars would align and make our wildest dreams come true.

Granted, since that talk, our wildest dreams have yet to be realized, but we haven’t given up hope that one day one of these guys – or their  incredibly sexy, significantly less famous look-alikes – will walk into our lives and sweep us off our feet.

Until then, feast your eyes on some of the incredible men women think about when they should be thinking about you.

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Because You Don’t Know The Obvious Answers to Certain Questions

28 Jun

Q: Do you think I’m pretty?

Wrong answer: Sure.

Right answer: You’re gorgeous.

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Because You Don’t Know The Meaning Of The Word ‘No’

23 Jun

If we had to bet, we’d guess that the word ‘no’ was one of the first three words you learned. Heck, it’s one of the first three words any child learns.  They pick it up and latch on quickly, screaming it repeatedly as their mother pulls them away from the toy section at Target.

So don’t try to tell us that you don’t understand when someone tells you ‘no.’  No means no, as the saying goes, and it’s as simple as that.  We know you know that.

Which is why it’s hard to understand why you suddenly lose all concept of the word in certain situations.  Namely, in bed.

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Because Texting Us That Often Makes Us Want To Claw Our Eyes Out

11 Jun

Step away from the BlackBerry.

Ever seen those TV shows where the woman stands in front of the judge asking for a restraining order against her crazed, obsessive ex-boyfriend?

Well, that’s what your relationship is going to turn into if you keep up those obnoxious, obsessive text messages.

You know the ones: “Hey! How was your day?” or “Just heard a song on the radio and thought of you” or our personal favorite, “Just wanted to say good night.”  In small, controlled doses, text messages like this are cute, sweet, considerate.  And as your relationship continues, these texts are appropriate. Continue reading